Meet the Analysts

In accordance with Bureau transparency protocols (revision 4C, subsection ∆), the following personnel are cleared for public disclosure.

---

🕵️ Analyst No. 7

Specialty: Practical Implausibility
Cleared for open-source analysis of implausible logistics, dubious infrastructure claims, and scaled-down utopian modeling. Operates from an undisclosed location with poor lighting and excellent coffee.

---

🔬 Analyst No. 3

Specialty: Scientific Overreach
Responsible for reviewing miracle materials, cold fusion, and any headline containing the phrase “a new breakthrough.” Frequently spotted near whiteboards with too much writing and no clear conclusions.

---

🧮 Analyst No. 12

Specialty: Economics & Infinite Funding Models
Models public policy initiatives using math that actually includes cost. Has been heard muttering “that’s not how money works” under their breath at press briefings.

---

📡 Analyst X-42

Specialty: Unprovable Conspiracies
Officially not part of the team. We are not confirming or denying that X-42 exists.

---

📉 Analyst ∅

Specialty: Negative Results
Tracks abandoned ideas, broken simulations, and failed utopias. Keeps records. Keeps receipts. Keeps snacks in a drawer marked “Classified.”